It's Mothering Sunday in England.  I am not a mother and I am not in England.  Instead I am feeling very broken.  Very defective.  I had still cannot believe that it is all over for me, even over a year after having the hysterectomy.  Most days it is at the back of my mind.  It doesn't ever go away and I don't think it ever will.  Today it is front and center.  It's very painful and hard not to be envious and feel in the minority.  People can feel sorry for me but only a very few people can actually understand.... probably only those that have walked in my shoes.  To lose the chance to be a mummy AND now not have a husband (the one that was going to be with me on the rest of this journey) seems like a double blow this weekend.  I am struggling, and being honest about it.